big asks with a full heart

i made a big ask of my parents recently to make a $5,000 gift to POOR magazine (20 times more than any gift they've ever given on my behalf). i put a lot of energy and thought into the email i wrote them, and thought it might be useful to share. it's below.

(*spoiler alert* it was received with a prompt, enthusiastic, and loving response, and "yes" to my ask!)

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Hey mom and dad!

Hope you're having a good anniversary, despite mom being in another state :) I'm so excited to see you guys in just a little over a week!

This summer, we talked about giving and loaning money (for instance -- mom, on that hike in Menemsha Hills; dad, on a bike ride about the YMCA solar panel loan project). It was so great talking to both of you and recognizing how far we've come even in the past couple of years in being able to have really great, dynamic, adult conversations about money!

As I've done for the past few years, I'm asking people in lieu of gifts to please give a donation to POOR Magazine. As you know, I've been deeply involved in POOR for the past 2 1/2 years, and continue to find it an incredible source of education, growth, and community on a personal level, and an awesome, cutting-edge, game-changing organization on the institutional level.

I want to ask you guys to give POOR $5,000 in honor of my 25th birthday. It's the same amount that I'm giving them this year.

As I told mom this summer, the reason why POOR has been so incredible for me is that I've learned so much about myself through the process of being on the Solidarity Board. The Solidarity Board is a group of about 5 young wealthy folks like myself who literally use our privilege to help the work of POOR move forward.

This looks like: us helping with fundraising. Us using our college-level-writing skills to help edit a new book they're putting out. Us doing the logistical back-end work and research to go to a land auction in Oakland and actually purchase land for POOR's Homefulness project (more below**). Us using our networks to connect POOR to pro-bono lawyers, researching architects, filling out government loan forms, testing the soil on our land, calculating square footage and materials needed, etc, to help build Homefulness.

Being on the Solidarity Board has also had huge implications for me personally. As an owning (upper) class person, there are deep-seeded ideas within me that working class or poor people won't like me because I have money. Or, that they will only like me because I have money. All my life I've been very conscious of the class background of people in my life, and have noticeably often run away from deep relationships with people who I fear would judge me for having money. I also struggle with the feeling that the history of mom's side of the family is "bad" because a lot of our ancestors did fucked up things like own slaves. Yet again, I often feel like there are no "right" places for me to be a leader, because as a privileged person, I don't deserve to have my voice heard, or to step up into leadership, or to be made to feel important.

None of these things have anything to do with you guys, I hope you realize!! The point of saying all of that is to say: being on the Solidarity Board has changed so much of that. Working with the folks at POOR, notably one of the founders, named Tiny, has taught me that my story is valuable. That I'm wanted and needed and liked by poor folks, and people of color. That I have a key, and very important, role to play in the social justice movement that is beyond just giving money away. That my family is important; crucial, in fact, for me to maintain and build ever-stronger ties to, and for me to learn about and deeply explore. Did you guys know that POOR is the reason why I started thinking about moving back home?!

So, in a nutshell, POOR has been hugely transformative for me. If you remember the chronology, the first year I starting digging into this class & wealth redistribution stuff it was sometimes challenging for us to talk about privilege and money and giving. I was reactive and judgmental and impatient, and felt like you were not trusting of me. I won't try and put words in your mouths, but you can probably remember whatever it was YOU were feeling at the time :) After my first year at Resource Generation, I gained enough skills and confidence to venture to the weekend-long session at POOR...and that's when things shifted in terms of me being able to slow down, think more broadly, and not be so...angsty, or something. It helped me grow, to be able to engage in conversations and have perspectives (like, how quickly giving away the majority of my money wouldn't solve all the world's problems).

Anyway, this is getting long. I want to remind/tell you a little more about Homefulness, specifically.

** This summer, we helped POOR navigate the crazy system of land-acquisition and bought a piece of property in Oakland!!! (POOR is based in the Bay, CA). It's on a residential street. There is a dilapidated building and space for a garden. To paraphrase Tiny, the vision of POOR is "a project rooted in the landlessness of so many of our [poor] people. It’s a sweat-equity cohousing model, meaning that people will work in the community in exchange for living there. The vision includes gardens, microbusinesses, community spaces... the idea is about moving off the grid of social-service management of poor people’s lives. It’s about creating healing and equity for landless, urban, indigena families." As a permanent solution to landlessness - they will own their own space.

As I said, we already bought the land and are currently securing a government loan for building, vetting our pro-bono architect options, and searching our more funding sources. The vision is to construct a 4-story building, that will have space for media equipment, training and performing art, as well as 6 units of low-income housing (which we might be able to secure as Section 8, getting additional government assistance for the cost of building). As much as possible we will use recycled products and "green" the building. The POOR office is already virtually a community center, but it's currently a tiny, rented space. The Homefulness project would create a true community center--materialize that reality.

Specifically, residences in the co-housing project and POOR community members will connect to community spaces through:

• A site for POOR's F.A.M.I.L.Y. program (Family Access to Multicultural Intergenerational Learning with our Youth), an on-site child care and education project for homeless children and families that incorporates a multi-cultural and multi-lingual curriculum centered around social justice and arts for families and children of all ages
• A site for POOR's offices and all their media training and educational programming
• A site for Uncle Al & Mama Dee’s Café, POOR's cafe & performance art space
  

Ok, I will let you go now. Sorry this got to be so long...as you know, I'm a long-winded writer. I would love to talk to you more about this. I love you tons and will no matter what you decide about giving, of course! And, it would mean so, so much to me if you gave POOR the $5,000 in honor of my birthday.

LASTLY! I want to respond to the "asks" you each made of me this summer as well.

• Mom, you made a big ask of me to give to the Care Center, I believe $3,000. I've thought a lot about it, and decided that if you two are willing to give the $5,000 to POOR, I will make a contribution of $1,000 to Care Center (given that I am one person and you are two, and that you collectively earn a lot more money than I do). I trust and want to support the things you are excited about.
• Dad, I continue to be excited about the YMCA solar panel project. I believe you asked me to loan $10,000 -- I am happy to do that! Let me know when its set up.
  

Lots and lots of love,
Jessie